you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
