Don't make out with my wife yet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
