My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found puke in my bra..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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