her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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