Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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