If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
