Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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