So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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