I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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