thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
