Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i think i just lost a toe
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
