just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
