haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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