So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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