Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
