Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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