Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
