I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
