I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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