she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
