hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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