Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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