I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
