My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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