is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
