and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
