OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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