What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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