Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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