Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
