i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
