just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
