like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your penis caused this!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
