broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
