allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
