You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
