guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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