I just cut my nipple shaving
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
