return my video game
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
