it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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