I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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