i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
