Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
