he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
two words...techno handjob
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
COCAINE IS GR8
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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