Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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