my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
