a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
