I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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