this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
