I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
